When I wrote my last post, I was deeply disappointed and very sad. I was lonely for all of you and was grieving the life I had in Houston. I'm much better now.
First, I was able to talk it over with my mom (who is the world's best person to talk to, btw--you should call her!) Then C and I did some strategizing and evaluating, which restored the illusion that I'm in control here.
But the best thing was just remembering what I believe--most specifically, that I really do believe that the gap between the preferred outcome and current reality--what we call "creative tension"--really is a very good place to be. I'm not much of a risk-taker and I don't particularly like tension--even the creative kind--so it's easy for me to forget what I believe about this.
(Of course, I am doing my best to resist the temptations of this particular journey--the temptation to close the gap by either compromising on the preferred outcome or minimizing my current reality. And in exchange, for my efforts, I get to have lots of anxiety! But I'm sure it's very creative anxiety . . . )
As kc noted in her comment, creativity flourishes in chaos. And, fortunately, as rob pointed out, I really am a very happy person. But don't stop praying for me, OK?