Thursday, February 12, 2009

The second experiment

A few years ago, my friend JTH said that he was praying to live so that anytime God whispered into his ear about a decision or a choice, he could immediately respond in obedience. He referenced Isaiah 30:21 about how we will hear "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, you will hear a voice saying, "This is the way, walk in it."

So, I decided to try it for a day and see what happened. I always wake up with good intentions but I also tend to be unfocused and maybe just a tad cynical about my ability to consistently live well. So, on Friday, I gave it a try. I made the commitment that no matter what happened, I would do my best to make the best choice in that situation.

So, I didn't eat the extra bowl of cereal for breakfast. I spent some time with God and my Bible instead of wasting precious morning time surfing the net. On my way to work, I listened to a CD I love instead of the negative, aggressive radio show that I usually settle for. I was extra tuned in to my clients and saw them through a particularly loving lens. For lunch, I drank water and had extra vegetables and thoroughly enjoyed it.

It didn't fall apart until about 7 p.m. and it happened before I even realized it. I was very tired, had just gotten home from traveling and was in pain from a fall earlier in the week, so by the time evening came, I was on autopilot mode--and autopilot mode is about doing what's easy and not making choices. I didn't eat supper but snacked mindlessly standing at the counter. The TV was making noise but I couldn't tell you what was on. I didn't make eye contact with Boo when she came through the room, absentmindedly asking how her day was.

I thought about how many times I disconnect from my choices because of fatigue or . . . well, disconnection. I guess it really is a self-reinforcing cycle. It seems that the key is not just making good choices but keeping up the awareness that I am making choices, even in autopilot.

I'm planning to try the experiment again in a day or two, when I'm not so tired and see what happens. In a way, it seems like a less tiring way to live because there would be no agonizing about those small decisions. the better choice is usually evident--I just waste a lot of energy sometimes resisting it! Anyway, just thinking about how it all works together . . . as usual, it's all more complicated than it looks!

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